I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
