Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
