you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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