i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
