Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
