I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
