ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
