Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
