don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
