Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
