He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
