Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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