Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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