Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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