the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
