Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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