You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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