I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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