im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
