accomplished twins. life is a go
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
