god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
