i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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