and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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