It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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