as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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