he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
