I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
