Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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