btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
