just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
