What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
