i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
