After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
