I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
