i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
