I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
