If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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