If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
