She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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