oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
