his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
