cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
