literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
