made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
