I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
