i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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