so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
