I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
