I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize