Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
