Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
