If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
