I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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