I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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