I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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