Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
