I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
