Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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