She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
