This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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