It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
