I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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