He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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