I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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